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Boot Camp
JENN
and SARAH
- along with my own personal similar (okay, eerily alike) struggles: of
knowing how bad it is to eat something but your will power caves and before
you know it, you didn't have just a taste or a bit, but you ate the whole
thing; reminds me of a story.
Hubby
oft thwarts my attempts to restrict my food intake by fixing his mouth
watering French toast or bringing home ice cream or fixing brownies
(he's lactose intolerant so for him to have them, he has to make them
himself. I'd be fine if they were store bought -- but fill the whole
house with that heady aroma? Will power exits and in comes the sweets
craving bottomless pit monster.) Well, as it was, he had bought several
pints of his nondairy ice cream because it'd gone on sale and stocked
the freezer with it. A week later, he went away for several days to
Atlanta for training.
Two nights in to his absence and feeling particularly randy because
the amount of exercise I'd been doing and hadn't yet begun to slip into
the first stages of perimenopause which apparently robs you of your
libido--I found myself rummaging through the freezer. I came upon his
stash and began doing what he does: standing in front of the freezer
dipping a spoon into the cold sugary confection for a bite, then replacing
the tub. Only when I reached the pecan flavored tub, I found myself
closing the freezer door and carting the container into the living room
to watch TV. Before I knew it, there were only a few bites left and
while I was more then satiated, to the point of feeling like I was going
to throw up, finished it up and tossed the container away. Feeling particularly
guilty, mostly about eating all of his ice cream, I planned on
purchasing a replacement tub the day he was due to return since I didn't
want the temptation to do it all over again before then and, I suspect,
because I didn't want my nasty little secret to get out. Only it did
get out because when I went to purchase the replacement, they were out
of that flavor and the sale was over. Dread! Still, while he
did find out about it, he never said anything about my failure, he only
made a comment that it was rather thoughtless of me to eat his ice cream
when I didn't have the restrictions he had and could have eaten anything
else I wanted. True. And worse yet, I later learned that just because
the ice cream is made out of soy, it's actually much higher in everything:
calories, fat, carbs and protein (it's only saving grace, of
course).
Turns out the psychological reason I indulged -- or rather, overindulged--
was twofold. First, I was upset that he wasn't home when I most wanted
and needed him here. Second, he was off traveling and while it wasn't
fun for him, at least he was getting to do it. I love to travel.
Crave traveling. Adore traveling. Before we got married, I traveled
often -- solo-- and not to visit someone, I went completely solo
and enjoyed it. I guess you could say I was horribly jealous of him
and while the first few bites of his ice cream (did I mention that's
his favorite flavor?) were yummy, it quickly became sickeningly sweet.
Nauseating to be exact. And yet I sat there eating away not because
I needed it, wanted it, craved it or because it contained some secret
vitamin or mineral my body was lacking at the time -- but because I
was angry at him and jealous of him.
Whoa, pretty trippy. And of course, as with anyone in my shoes at that
moment, I didn't really make that connection for several more days and
not on my own. But I must point out that I was feeling rather disappointed
he never said anything about my overindulgence in relation to my quest
to lose the weight and in a way, I felt discounted. That was a really
hard pill to swallow.
I shared this with the nurse at the doctor's office where I was going
at the time for my weight management. She shared her own story with
me about how she and her husband travel a lot (the whole reason they
hired me if you recall) and during these excursions, she indulges in
bread because she adores it so, especially when she's able to eat types
that aren't everyday available here in the states. Only when she does
indulge, it's not just a satiation and move on thing for her, she's
set to have to fight the carb cravings for several days over and generally
doesn't do well in that battle. The ultimate price is having to go on
severe restriction for several days, even weeks, and increase her exercise
to whittle off the pounds she added during that "brief" setback.
She refers to it as boot camp.
What she learned is that she has to stop herself and ask if eating that
bread is really worth a week's worth of boot camp. Often, it's not.
And that's enough to stop her from indulging. And even if she decides
that she will indulge but will limit it to just that taste or piece
or bit, she reminds herself as she is forced to stave off the subsequent
carb cravings of the same thing.
She's right. Even if you're not sure of what it is that ails you, such
as my anger, disappointment and jealousy; stopping yourself long enough
to ask whether it's worth it and then listen to your heart-of-hearts
for the answer before you take that plunge could very well be your saving
grace in this whole quest to do what's right for our mind, body and
soul. And once you do answer the question, then take some time to poke
around and figure out what the underlying issue is -- unless, of course,
it's just a mere craving for something you love at which you can simply
move on.
I had forgotten about that until I read SARAH's
latest entry and then it dawned on me how important it is to keep that
in the forefront of your mind. And like Sarah and Jenn, I found myself
last night eating bits and pieces of the most recent batch of brownies
my husband had made before he came down with the flu until I realized
I'd eaten the equivalent of three servings. Like I needed three servings.
Even one for that matter. Crap on a stick.
Another realization I made is that I tend to do better if I "indulge"
earlier in the day. Often my indulgences come at the tail end of the day
since I stay up late -- anywhere between 12:30 and 3am (since that's when
I get the majority of my writing done) but by then it's too late to make
up for them by hopping on the treadmill or taking a spin on the bike.
It'd wake up the whole house (while there are advantages of having a home
gym, there are also some disadvantages) and so I'm stuck getting down
on myself for doing it and often that leads to going completely overboard.
So a resolve, if you will. If it's after 3:30 pm (because anything later
and I've set myself up for a subsequent and much more difficult to fight
craving) and I do have one of these wild hairs poking me, I'll have to
save it for the next morning. And if the craving has gone away by then,
fine. If not, I add extra time to the workout. And, if I don't work out,
I can't indulge at all -- regardless of what time it is -- the next two
craving cycles. My punishment. I have to do this if I'm going to get the
weight back off and keep it off. It's all about behavior modification
and lifestyle changes after all!
So... what's your take on this idea [
]?
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